Not since Rosie the Riveter rolled up her sleeves in the armaments factories and shipbuilding yards during WWII has there been such a fundamental shift in gender roles and earning power. As Canada’s economy coughs, sputters and chugs back to life, there are signs that some dramatic societal changes have taken place behind the scenes while we were all distracted by the recession. The new reality facing us is that more women than ever before are taking on the role of primary breadwinner.
The recent recession, labeled the “man-cession”, has been particularly cruel to working-class males. Statistics Canada reports that over the previous year a total of 249,000 men lost their jobs, particularly in the manufacturing sector. This compares to a decline of 28,000 for women. Even the rise of dual-income families has meant an erosion of the male’s economic power and control. (In 1980, 53% of couples were dual earners, compared to 65% by 2007.) This new domestic reality also parallels another emerging trend that sees women controlling more and more of the nation’s wealth – up to a startling 70% by 2019.
Seldom, if ever, has history recorded such a dramatic and unprecedented upheaval in the age-old standard of the man “bringing home the bacon” and the woman taking care of the house and kids, and maybe earning some supplementary income on the side. For many men this is a humbling even humiliating experience. For women, this role reversal can be just as emotionally challenging and psychologically threatening. She has not only lost her Prince Charming – the one person who was supposed to protect and defend and provide “forever after”, but there is increasing financial pressure and stress on her as well. And those kids still have to be fed, clothed and educated.
I take all of these social changes rather personally. My husband was also one of the casualties of the recession. He was co-owner of a small investor relations firm that specialized in the resource field, another sector that was also hard hit by the economic downturn. Trying to turn a crisis into an opportunity, he went back to his first love of copywriting and teaching history (waynemelvin.ca), which I fully supported. But I gotta say – the bucks are skinner and there’s now more pressure on my income to make ends meet. I’m ok with this – sorta, kinda, maybe….
I’m sure family counselors and economic advisors across Canada are struggling to make sense of this rapidly changing economic and social landscape. But maybe all this change isn’t such a bad thing — for both men and women – and for Canadian society as a whole. Sure we will have some major adjusting to do and it’s not likely to be easy. Nevertheless, there are great new opportunities out there that we can take advantage of as the new paradigm reveals itself. Creative work. More balanced, supportive and healthier relationships. A revisiting of priorities, dreams and financial goals. A new vision of how men and women interact in the workplace – and at home. Welcome to the new world order. We’d better get used to it – it’s here to stay. – Karin Mizgala
Karin Mizgala is a Vancouver-based fee-only financial planner with an MBA and a degree in psychology. She’s the President of LifeDesign Financial and co-founder of the Women’s Financial Learning Centre.
Right now I’m the main breadwinner in my little unit as my other half is at college. I make enough for us to live reasonably well on but I do feel the pressure of being the main earner. It’s not a bad situation or I’m not proud he went back to school in his thirties. However I will be relieved when my partner graduates and we can both start contributing to our household.
I have never really liked the whole “Prince Charming” idea and have taken great pride in the fact that I can take care of myself. I think for that reason I am actually much more comfortable in the bread winner role, and I am glad that my current partnership is circling back around to that. As long as my partner is contributing to our lives in some way, whether it’s working on his own personal self-development (which is a benefit to me as well), building a shed, or building his own business, I believe we will both be happier and healthier in our chosen roles.
I get immense enjoyment out of my career right now; I think I would go insane if it was the 1950’s and I was expected to be a “housewife”. But it is delaying our decision to have a family, because I am the main breadwinner.
An added complication is this situation may not change in the next few years, so there’s a risk that we may not have a family (we are nearing our 40’s). Therefore, I do worry about how I will feel 10 years from now.
Money is only one part of the equation. If the woman is not only the primary earner, but also the primary care giver for the children, pets and elderly relatives and also does the majority of the house work, cooking, plans the birthday parties, sends out the Christmas cards, etc. etc. etc., and is also the emotional centre of the family (which I suspect is true in most cases), then there is a problem. I am happy to know that women are increasing the financial clout, but I would also like to hear that their husbands are contributing to the home and family in other ways.
Oh, and Prince Charming? Do women still believe in him? If so, they are really living in a fairy tale!
I suspect the Prince Charming fantasy is long past relevant to the life of most women today. I know many women who have taken on the breadwinner role and are still the primary care giver for the kids too. I’ve been a single mom for over 13 years and have never been able to rely on my ex for financial support or to track the kids homework or dentist appointments or save for their education. In fact I can’t remember a time in my life when I have been able to rely financially on a man. I would love to work less and spend more time with my kids and on personal interests but to be honest I don’t know if I would feel comfortable relying on someone else to cover my bills.
I would like to find a partner but blending both families and finances seems a monumental task.
I think this is more of an accurate account of single parent families with women taking full charge of family responsibilities. This has gone on for years from my grandmother to me however even though this may be new for women to earn money or be more in charge of finances, these statistics I don’t think are accurate. As far as women now in charge financially , I think single women are and single mothers mostly because men have not lived upto threir family and off spring responsibilities. When the day comes when women were actually in charge more so then men you would see a faster changing world.
Janyse Hrynkow, MA
I had been the highest income earner for our family for 5 years, and am now solely responsible as a single mother. While my ex said he never minded me making more money, I never did feel entirely supported in my career advances and did notice a competitiveness developing.
The hardest part though, was that the more I worked, I still had the majority of household and child maintenance duties. If I didn’t do it, or request it to get it done, it simply didn’t.
So while many men say that there are okay with the women making more money, I’m not sure they know how to emotionally support us to do that (after all, we tend to do the majority of the emotional supporting), or that they are motivated to take on more mundane home tasks and routines.
Not sure if there is anyone to blame – gender roles? Mother coddling? Lack of role models? Laziness? What I do know is, that it creates eve more stress on women to be super achievers at work and at home.
As an artist I’ve never made a reliable income. Ten years ago I began searching seriously for my Prince Charming. While spouting feminist ideals I thought, I really did think, that he was out there. Like a good west coaster I believed in kismet and coincidence and positive thinking. It took me an embarrrassingly long time to realize that nobody comes a long to save you. And when did I figure this? After I met my Prince and things went sideways. Again. So now I’m working more on securing my income and less on spouting ideals. There are no happy endings but I’m having a pretty happy middle.
And another thing, like those frogs that recently left their habitat before the recent Indian Tsunami I believe the species is readying for the worst by shifting more responsibility to one gender and thereby saving energy for ultimate survival.
interestig article- I’m wondering if there is an historical precedence that could be researched to cast some light on the trend . eg women in charge of household financial management during the great depression of 1930s and during war-time – Two things concern me – 1) if women are the primary or sole breadwinners , household earnings will go down as sadly , women still earn less than men , and 2) the back-lash women may have to endure from men who may feel dispossessed of their ” entitlement ” to “authority ” and influence . Adapting division of labour away from rigid gender roles can only be realised if men and women can communicate cleary an understanding of the expectation of what practical household management means r/e committment to cleaning, shopping washing cooking child-care, thriftiness , planning , and that men will be willing to take on accountability for their contribution ; women still shoulder the lions share of the workload even if employed outside the home full time , and until this changes , men will not be able to claim the influence they wish for, marriages will be strained in the absence of true partnership . This I feel is the crux of the matter, men need above all to move into this essential area of partnership and parenting , and a new ideal of what manhood means . The article also misses the main reason for increase in house-holds headed by women – divorce – bringing specific and harsh financial challenges .A financial management coach would be most welcome to help navigate divorce . I think men and women need more education r/e financial management- childhood is a good place to start , also encouragement for teenagers to think independantly and critically at unhelpful media messages that have little relationship to reality and responsibility , – ie the barbie doll prince charming myth , and the generally weak male models in our media ,. Perhaps a discussion r/e the division of labour in the household could be based on a firmer foundation with some realization of the unhelpful messages bombarding us in the media .
I relate to Cindy’s comments about money being only one part of the equation. It has always been up to me to manage it and I can be thankful that there has been enough. My earnings have always been secondary but more and more necesssary as the children get more expensive. My husband contributes in very visible ways of cooking and shopping for groceries and that is so appreciated. However, when everyone else sits down for yet another evening of Canuck viewing, I retire to my computer to pay bills, do taxes, review investments, fill out endless school and sports forms, arrange appointments for everything from haircuts to tutors to doctors appointments. Social contact? My department. I swear my husband would never see his family if I did not intervene. Any house cleaning that might take place? My department. Guilt surrounding the lack of organization and general untidiness? My department. My work is viewed as not very important as I am the one who stays home with the sick child and drives to rugby and hockey. All this responsibility takes its toll and causes resentment. Yesterday as I checked the oil in the car after having a chilling thought of the engine seizing (my suspicions were correct as it needed a quart and a half), I thought – didn’t the men used to take care of the cars?
After almost 40 years of marriage, with children (almost) independent, I’ve come to a quieter place and looking back I think I’ve experienced a lot re money and the stress it brings. At first my husband used to ask if he could buy the things he loves to buy…seven bicycles, more cameras than I can count, etc. etc…if I said no he just kept on until I capitulated. STRESS!Then I thought…OK, I will just put = amounts in MY bank account…satisfactory but still didn’t feel right…then I decided to seperate our money…put x in the pot for the household and the rest is ours to spend as we wanted…a difficult action and lots of anger and blame…but it erased the resentment on my part. Now I earn twice as much as him and I save most of mine for joint endeavours. Having taken the course, worked on retirement planning and cash flow, having the expensive teenage years behind us and in addition, doing the dreams exercise every year together and getting him to save for what he wants rather than borrow for it, things are more peaceful. We have most of what we need and want. As far as household duties and cooking…I simply ‘assign’ the days he cooks, let him do the shopping for them, we clean together and have instituted a cleaning helper once a month. I coordinate almost everythng still and have come to the conclusion that the wiring of most men is different and it will never happen if I don’t organize it. I am glad life is less complex, work hard on keeping it simple and enjoy the peacefulness that feeling more comfortable about money brings. That said, I wish I had been wiser earlier and could have avoided the stressors and conflict I’ve experienced…discussing these issues is invaluable before one begins on the journey of partnership…how might that happen?
I am the main “bread winner” at the moment, though my husband and I have shared the role in the past. My income is certainly appreciated but we don’t focus on it because the tables could easily be reversed. While he looks for work, starts his own business and so on, I imagine he’s questioning his role and contribution, and I empathise with him. So I take care of the finances, but I want to be transparent, not hidden like it often was from the non-breadwinner in the past, and I try to share everything so we feel the same level of responsible for our income. Though we may be the breadwinners, women can certainly learn from the past, and rewrite what being a breadwinner actually means. Transparancy, understanding and shared responsibility.
I realize that times are changing and that women are now making as much or more money. I am one of those women working in a mans trade and making good money, however, i still feel that my partner should contribute half, if not more, to the household. I would resent him if i had to pay all the bills. I still believe that women should be able to stay home and look after the house and kids, and that the man should pay for everything while she does that. While a carreer is important to me now while im young, in a few years my focus will shift towards family, and i want to know the security of being looked after.
My husband and I are retired and living comfortably. My income is double his and includes working one day a week at something I enjoy. This still leaves time for volunteer work, lunches with friends etc. We share cooking and housework so the basics are covered. We have just one car now, which is mine. There is one area that is a problem and that is travel. We manage a month in Hawaii every year, but there are other places I’d like to visit and it hasn’t been happening. I love my man and don’t want to hurt his feelings, but one day soon I’m going to suggest separate holidays. I believe that a few hours apart is good for retired people and hopefully a couple of weeks apart might be even better. Wish me luck!
This is very true, women are becoming the breadwinners, but it does not mean the man is out of the picture. I’m sure men will re-train and get back in the economy if they lost a job in the past.